Oh what is there to say now? All I know is my feet have been freezing all day. May Day was unusually and unexpectedly cold this year. And today I've eaten at least four servings of snickers minis and increased the volume of my music all day. I've longed for my friends today. And I am glad for that. It means that my heart is not closed. I have not shut down or self-destructed today, though deep down I wonder if it would help to do so- if in the end maybe the guilt would go away, because the chill is in more than just the air today.
Recently I've had the urge to dance. Sometimes I forget that I danced as a girl, that I once danced on a stage in high school. I think I have become too shy now to dance anywhere but in my room- and even that I am embarrassed about! Nevertheless, I did it today. In a dress in front of my mirror. Oh to be a girl again, a girl who danced. Yet I am content to be me, every complicated inch of me. Despite everything, I'm starting to like me- and that is truly good. But still, I'd like to dance. And whenever I do, it will be for me. Whenever I do, it will be for You. Whenever I do, I will be Your beauty.
Oh, be near.
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