It's been dreary the last few days. I'm not sure what my problem is. I think some of it is due to fatigue and possible illness. And I've hypothesized that I had a crazy weekend with a lot of face time with a lot of people I don't know, so now my introverted self is making up for it by isolating myself as far as I can into my brain. I generally don't like to be spoken to, this week. I generally would just like to stay in my room and plug into my laptop. I generally haven't been sleeping well. I generally haven't been eating much. Not sure what it is that's bothering me.
Something probably is, though.
Interesting how things like these can both creep in almost unnoticed or barge in with an air-horn. You know?
I feel a breakdown coming. But I think I need it. Feels like a good cry is in there trying to get out because of some relevant issue that I refuse to consciously name. Just being happy isn't my style, I think. It's not complicated enough for me ;) Maybe it's just that I am an unhealthy happy person. I cling to it in an unhealthy way, I think. I don't know how to hold it in my hands without crushing it, so it just ends up oozing through my clenched fists like grape jelly. I need to realize that happiness is not the end goal of depression. Maybe they're not opposites.
Nevertheless, I feel a bit like I'm slipping. It happens, I guess. Better just deal with it. Figure out what's wrong and deal with it. Capiche.
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