filter

Ever get the feeling that there's something out there that's trying to get you? This thing that you think can't possibly know what you're struggling with, but somehow does and points it out?

Lately, I've been getting a lot of calls from people who are mistakenly dialing my number. I've had people leave threatening messages on my voice mail, had grandfathers brokenly requesting that I call them sometime, received obscene picture mail from numbers that I don't know.

I have a hard time explaining how this makes me feel. This strange inflicted identity confusion is messing with my heart. The feeling that people are mistaking me for someone they believe me to be is jarring. That people look at me and see someone they want to see, that they believe I am. This is so difficult for me to explain.

But I realized today that it seems that when I am in the hands of good- when I am ready for good, evil still chases me, still taunts me, still hunts me. There will never be a complete sense of happiness or good because there will always be darkness following closely behind. I don't want to let it trip me up.

Semi-unrelated: I'm growing very tired of the internet. It seems that it does me more harm and frustration than good. I also wish I could turn off my phone, or block all numbers that aren't my friends (for reasons aforementioned). Maybe I ought to get a new phone number.

Anyway. Not impressed by internet anymore. Can be useful, but...probably better for me if I'm on it less. I think I'd like to block out all the things that cause me to fall and let in all the things that can become good things to me. A filter?? Yes. I'm considering not just a fast from facebook or twitter, but a purge of the internet all together (except possibly for researching writing/story-related things). Somehow I feel like it would help me feel less...victimized? Does that make sense?