resolution

I've been doing some thinking lately. Now that I've decided I'm not moving to Colorado, I'm trying to see what my options are here. I've mostly been thinking about whether to join the college scene again. I'd like to go to photography school, I think. However, it is insanely expensive. And due to weddings and brake repairs on my car after a trip to Colorado Springs, I'm kind of feeling a bit...poor. I've also been thinking about making music. I found this coffee shop in St. Joseph, and they have open mic and acoustic nights. I've also been writing more lately. And you know what? I've been much happier lately- all this creativity floating around on top of having fun with awesome friends (and having a possibly good haircut- I haven't decided yet whether I like it or not). It's been pretty good times lately.

And yet, if i'm being honest, I feel some unresolved issues picking away at me today. I guess that's a healthy thing. Happiness is good, but I need to be honest with myself in that my problems don't just go away because I'm in a good mood- it may seem that way sometimes, but really- it's all still sitting in there waiting to jump out and scare me away from my happiness. I think I have some work to do.

This week, there's been this book on my mind a lot. I read it a couple of weeks ago and it totally sent me into a spiral I did not expect, and I was confronted with some deep fears of mine that I had never totally felt the pain of before. I don't know why I feel the need to revisit it all again by rereading this book, but lately I really have been thinking about it a lot. Probably because it's unresolved. All I did when I read that book was FEEL, and while it was good for me to feel what I did (even though it was painful), I never did anything about it. I resolved nothing. But I know it'll take time- I know I can't resolve my issues overnight. And I think if I delve into things WITH people- relying on friends and trusting them to stay, then I'll be much better off and hopefully resolve things without losing myself in the skirmish. I guess we'll see what happens.