goodbye.

It's a difficult thing to let go. Not because you feel like it, or because you want to- but because you need to. I had a moment sneak up on me just a minute ago- the moment when you know that it's time to move on. It's not an easy thing to swallow, and even though it isn't what I hoped for, it feels freer than holding on. It's a kind of freedom that is tinted with sadness, you know?

Sometimes it's difficult for me to let the present become the past. Usually the previous year of my life still smells like the present to me. I think that's because I feel more in control of my present than I do of the past- so the longer I can make myself believe that the past isn't really the past, the more in-control I feel. I'm kind of tricky. I figure out things like that about myself almost every day.

I'm never going to make total sense. That's comforting tonight.

I can see it walking away from me now, like it has been for the last year. It's time I stopped watching it go. Stopped wishing it would come back. It is what it is, in the past. It was what it was.

Goodnight.