suicide prevention week

So, it's suicide prevention week. For the record, I'm really mad at Suicide. He takes too many lives- one life every 40 seconds. In the last year, I can think of at least six people who have either attempted or committed suicide- two of which include my cousin and my friend. I remember the night I talked to my cousin over facebook chat. He said he was coming up to St. Cloud that weekend to say goodbye to all of the cousins, and he said he really wanted to see me one last time before he killed himself. I can honestly say that I have never had a scarier conversation in my life. I mentioned it to my counselor the next day and she told me that if someone who wants to commit suicide tells people about it, it's because they don't really want to go through with it. We got my cousin help and he is still alive and doing better.

I'm having a hard time talking about this. It's always easier to just give sterile facts or explanations. I think that's why people sometimes feel like suicide is the only way out. They're tired of fighting, tired of coping, tired of being the friend who needs help all the time, tired of trying to explain, and they think it would be easier if they just got out. I feel so much for these people because I have been in that cage. I've experienced that kind of darkness and I still am fighting it. It's so difficult to believe that things can get better when you're in a place of complete hopelessness.

For me, feeling understood is helpful. Being understood is the most comforting thing to me, and that's what I try to do for people in my life who are struggling. Helping my friend and my cousin has influenced me a lot and gives me hope that suicide really is preventable. I'm passionate about hurting people because I'm hurting too, and I think that we all need to stick together and help each other through the dark times. If I hadn't seen the extent that people will go to stop the pain, I wouldn't have discovered the firm ground that hope can be. Help isn't easy, but I think that when you come clean with the intention of getting help, the people in your life will come out of the woodwork to do whatever they can for you. People have always been scary to me, but I find that they can be the most compassionate when I least expect it.

If you're reading this- yes, you- I need you to remember this:

Life is valuable. Hope is real. Darkness yields to the light. Always.

If you can't believe that right now, that's okay. But trust me- it will get better. Being that I've struggled myself, I wouldn't lie to you. And I'm not. Get help.