this may be a bit negative?

I was thinking today at work that life is about finding within ourselves what it means to have freedom, to be free. Isn't that what we're all really after anyway? Half of the battles and conflicts we'll face in our lives will be breaking out of self (or not) imposed barriers. We all want to be around people who free us- people who give you a hand up and tell you not to be scared- people who dare you to draw outside the lines, to create, do, be- breathe in healthy things and breathe out unhealthy things. We need to be with people who want good things for us, people who mean us well.

The horrible thing is, there are some of us who function without those kinds of people- or even worse: without anyone at all. There are some of us who are frightened of people, even if they are good. Because, despite the fact that they want encouraging people in their lives, these timid people have been beaten and broken down, so much so that they would rather they risk nothing at all if it means they won't get hurt. Not everyone means the world well. It's sad that there are some of us, the hurting ones, who will decline and reject and self-preserve themselves into a lonely life-less life devoid of freedom, happiness, and love. They take their paranoia in stride and settle for captivity, coping, and loneliness.

Life is too short to fill our time with coping mechanisms, excuses to sit out, and chances not taken.

But I sure don't blame the hurting ones for doing just that. I will not judge them based on their actions or lack of actions. Because I'm one of them.

I used to think that life is supposed to look something like the "American Dream" ideal that it seems so many people are chasing after. But now I realize that the "American Dream" isn't the definition of "life". Life is not picture perfect- in fact, most people lives aren't very photogenic at all. A real life falls apart at the seams like cliffs crumbling into the ocean. A real life has issues and heartbreak and disappointment. And living is in there too somewhere. Living is those moments when there is panic and disorder and pain- and you stand there in the middle of that intersection and choose the last remaining street: continue. Living is when you are standing in the middle of the mess, and choose to take another step.

I think that step is more important and more powerful than any of the cliche moments that people associate with living- you know, the dancing-in-the-rain, jump-out-of-a-plane, midnight-spontaneity, "live-laugh-love" kind of living that most people seem to think is really important and worthwhile. I agree that those moments are awesome, but I would argue that they don't build character because there is no decision being made about your life, just you flitting around in a good mood. Life isn't about good moods- it's about fighting through the bad moods. It's about fighting off the cage in an attempt to find YOUR freedom. A fight has more life in its little finger than does a slow dance in the rain.

That's what I think at least.