beautiful

I have a lot of thoughts. Bear with me.

Life has thrown its worst at me in some respects, and I want to be clear that I don't believe the difficulties are over, but even after all of that- after all of that confusion and pain, tonight I feel like telling you that life is a beautiful thing. It's horribly complicated and messy, but...what a beautiful thing that we have endless second chances. How beautiful is it that life is renewable? The opportunity to live is such a beautiful thing. That we can start over- we can decide to be different today- everyday- is a marvelous beauty to discover.

Bad things will happen yet. Things are still not easy. But if we were happy every single day of our lives, we would not know that we were happy. What is happiness anyway? We contrive half of it, I think- this idea of happiness. We chase this thing we believe can be ours forever, but that isn't true. We chase an idea that has little basis in reality. Maybe happiness is overrated, and we don't want to believe that. But happiness is not the point of our lives.

I don't say that to sound pessimistic- I'm not being pessimistic. I'm saying that happiness is a small thing to base our life on. Some fleeting feeling. We're humans though- we're all about feeling things.

It was a horrible thing to self-destruct. It's equally as horrible to watch someone self-destruct- they won't let you help them, they won't listen to you. We do strange things when we feel like there is no way out. My heart goes out to you. You who can find no peace- you who chase the things you thought made you happier than you are now. I wish you rest, peace, and the ability to see how beautiful life is- even when it is ending for you soon. I hope you come to understand that your life has never been about you, and that it still isn't. I hope you will find the humility to change, even in your dying hours. I pray you will see the beauty in life- that there is beauty even in death...that you will choose to spend the rest of your time loving the people who love you. Don't be afraid.

As for me, life will continue to be a beautiful mystery, and for now I am content with that.