It's been a while since I've written. I needed a break I think- I needed time to feel like it was passing again. I've been waiting for the negativity to subside and for me to start looking for God in my life again, instead of looking for the imperfections in myself and finding them.
But lately I've been starting to feel like maybe there is something good coming for me- just around the corner, out of sight. I believe that things are going to get better, and soon. Maybe the timing is finally right, and by some miracle I can relearn how to be open to change- good change.
I've been more grateful lately. Even of my job. At least once a day while I'm working I stop and look around, and just let the realization come upon me that this is a good job, and I am lucky to have it. My job is a blessing. A gift. I mean, I didn't even have to apply for it.
I've been praying. I've been reading some of the Bible again. Not on a scheduled kind of basis, but in a purposeful way- because I want to and not just because I know I should. I think that maybe deep down the questions and the doubt are still there, but maybe if I keep reading, keep praying, keep trying to seek...the doubt will go away, and my questions will be answered.
I've been playing guitar. And baking. And reading for fun. I don't know why I waste my time not doing the things that make me happy. I've been thinking about the future a lot too I guess, wondering what's ahead and feeling a longing for it. People can change your life, and deciding to actually get involved in the church I've attended for the last year pretty much guarantees that I will meet new people and actually have friends that live in the same town as me. And even though I know that's good, I'm still a little scared. But, I can do things that scare me. I can do things I don't think I am strong enough to do. Jesus will help me bridge the gap between my heart and everything else. A bit of a leap of faith, it is.
The only way to find out if someone is trustworthy is to trust them. You know?
No comments:
Post a Comment