bare walls

There are a number of things swirling around in there right now, mostly being stirred by some new Flyleaf songs I just got today while I was Christmas shopping. I was two weeks behind on photos this morning, but now I'm caught up, and I feel better about myself- the idea that I can and WILL finish this project is a good thought to me.

I was doing some rearranging on the walls of my room earlier this afternoon, and I thought back to when I moved in seventh grade. I remembered how I was so moved by the fact that my walls were empty and white. I think I may have cried over the loneliness I felt because I had taken down all of my pictures and notes to myself. I remembered thinking the walls seemed so much closer, being bare. I think I felt a strange sort of claustrophobia without the distractions I had created and hung to look at instead of what was really there- nothing.

I'm realizing as I type this that my life, over the last year, has been stripped one thing after another of its distractions and notes and pictures. The things I used to hide behind are long gone now, and it hurts to be out in the open. I'm scared to be this exposed when I refuse to be vulnerable. I'm coming to realize that at the end of the day, my walls are bare, and there is only me and the One who created me. Because when He looks at me, He doesn't see the distractions and notes and pictures I try to hide behind. He doesn't pay attention to the things I tremble behind instead of Him.

"and all we need now is love, we've been through enough. we can't run just cause we're scared. we've come this far- we're not giving up." -flyleaf

I've been searching for something that I didn't understand was already mine.