It's nights like these I feel very alone. Not in the depressed sort of sad sense of aloneness, but more like I have been walking this earth for the last twenty two years alone, without my compliment. For some reason tonight I feel the ache that comes with the longing for love and commitment. I don't see even a wisp of promise here, in that regard. I can't think of anyone in my life right now who fits the bill, who could be a sort of warm blanket to my shivering soul.
Generally I'm afraid of commitment- mostly because I'm afraid of being committed to someone who maybe ought to belong to someone else. But tonight I can feel that there is someone missing. Part of me is afraid I'll go the rest of my life alone like this, with only loneliness as my faithful bridegroom. I guess I don't have a choice but to hope he's out there somewhere.
I really don't like to write sappy stuff like this. But. Tonight...I wish he were here. Tonight I wish there was a hug waiting for me, a hug bearing patience and encouragement- and a smile and a laugh selflessly extending comfort and love. Tonight I wish I belonged to the excitement of a new last name, to the promise of a tomorrow that could hold my hand and vow to always be by my side.
So, if you're out there- I'm thinking of you tonight.
[listening to In Your Atmosphere by John Mayer]
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