fearless

In 39 days I will embark upon a new chapter of my life- one that includes the aforementioned awesome guy who is alllllll mine. I can barely believe it...so much good- all for some grace-covered sinner. It didn't used to be like this though. Before this, my life constantly revolved around fear. It followed me around relentlessly for as long as I can remember. I feared everything.

This is truly the only time in my life that I haven't felt afraid. I was hesitant, but I let myself fall in love. Copeland said "if you fall in love, fall in love and hold nothing back" and I did. And now, I'm moving forward and feel no fear about the decisions I'm making. It is seriously remarkable. I am not afraid to get married- even though I always have been deep down. I am not afraid to move away from my hometown. I am not afraid to leave my job for a new one. I am not afraid to be someone's wife. I'm even less afraid about being a mother one day.

This is the first time in my life that I have been truly ecstatic about the direction in which my life is going.

A year ago, I wouldn't have believed you if you told me all this was in the works and on the way. I wouldn't have believed that the openness I was working on so decidedly would quickly lead me to a man whose love would rush in and fill the lonely places. I wouldn't have believed that I would be this ready to start a new life. I have never felt this whole- this sure about what is happening in my life. Is this what it feels like to follow God's will? Praise Him- I am at home and where I am meant to be! The ice has melted off of my heart.

Thank You Jesus for freeing me and giving me these incredible, beautiful things that I do not and could not deserve or earn. Help me to learn your wordless song and sing it in my heart every time I think of You. Thank You for having mercy on me and for loving me even when I could not and even would not love You in return. You deserve so much praise for the selfless things you have done... We've been through a lot together, haven't we?

It was so worth it.