put my eyes ahead of me

I have been sick a lot lately. It's not only flu season, but I've been battling a sinus infection for months. MONTHS. Sigh. It sure is sucking the life out of me and making it difficult for me to do a lot of the wedding stuff I would like to do. And it makes hanging out with my friends less possible, which stinks.

I have been very distracted by my physical health lately. It makes me feel very self-centered. I haven't been thinking much about other people. I haven't been praying much. I haven't been doing a lot of the things that add joy to my life. I have lost my zip and my excitement for life.

I went to church this morning though and I was briefly reminded that my life is very good, and that at one time not so long ago, it was very not good. Though I may be fighting this stupid sinus infection and feeling lousy most of the time, I am free. I am on the other side of bondage. After twenty-three years of darkness, I am finally out of the tunnel. That is reason to celebrate for literally the rest of my life. And while there is celebration, there is also the reminder that I once knew agony. It feels good to reflect now that I was not pretending my pain. The misery was real, inexhaustibly real. And now, the freedom is just as real. I could barely hope then that it would be this real- that joy could be as real as sorrow.

Put my eyes ahead of me, with only a glance behind. Put my heart about me, with just a few others within me. Pull my arms from around me, that I may grasp others warmly. Step my feet lightly, that I may not stomp anyone else down. Bring from my lips gentle words issued from a clear mind and forgiving heart, lest I burden someone else by judgment and grudges. Let my spirit offer peace and faith as the answer to my questions and worries, that I may live in the contentment and confidence provided graciously by my Father.