a little good

Well hello. I'm a little confused about how things have been lately- both up and down and neutral. It's been strange I guess. Oh well. I don't know exactly what there is to say, but I feel weird having nothing current up since my last very depressing post! Usually if I just start typing then things come out like they want to. Here goes.

I'm looking forward to the coming year. I always have hope that the year to come will be better than years past, and while I still have hope that this coming year will have many good things for me, I also know that it will be full of hard work. Full of me turning my soul upside down and shaking things out of it. Today I'm realizing that it isn't as easy as I thought it was for me to talk about the issues I've had in the past- about the things that have hurt. Things seem much more complicated and hard to explain now than they seemed then. It will be hard work.

It's no secret, really, that I struggle with depression. It feels a little good to just admit it. It feels a little good to be seeking out help instead of just waiting for something to change, like I have been for years. The prospect of change is definitely scary, even if it's good change, but I think change is what I need. If I have to be in counseling for the next year, then okay. If it's a chemical thing, then I'll give prescriptions a chance. If I don't do something about this, I'll continue to feel like I'm wasting my life away with these nebulous kinds of illnesses that keep me from doing anything important with my life. If there's anything I'm a natural at, it's not doing anything.

So, here's to new things. Here's to trying. Here's to change.