again

don't let me sit here alone in an occupied room
with no one to put their shaking hands on my shoulders
with no tingling electricity or heat
with no powerfully powerless words
don't be quiet and silent now
i can't do it again
so don't be gone
just don't be gone

........

I feel out of sorts. I feel like I'm in this weird limbo-type place lately. No man's land. Not quite broken, not quite well. Just...here. I can't make things make sense. My thoughts are jumbled and confused, constantly losing my train of thought and trying real hard to remember it again.

I keep feeling like I'm searching the room feverishly with blind eyes, kind of kicking through the things on the floor and stumbling into objects and furniture. I feel like components of myself are scattered around the place and I cannot successfully collect them. And if I sit perfectly still, breathing and trying and yearning to rest, the things I'm grasping for start to speak up. If I sit still and breathe in and then out, I just ask myself why and why and why. And when I open my eyes, and walk on these sore bones, I wish it was over already.

What's wrong with me?